Does Desire Lead to Sex? Or Visa Versa?
For most men, libido is a “drive” that propels them toward sex. They want it and go after it. But a growing body of research shows that when many women, perhaps most, begin sexual encounters, they feel erotically neutral. Then, according to Rosemary Basson, M.D., a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, if they enjoy the sex, they eventually experience desire. In other words, for many women, possibly a majority, desire is not the cause of sex, but its result.
How Common Are Voyeurism And Exhibitionism?
Most people enjoy R-rated movies with steamy sex scenes. There’s a little bit of voyeur in all of us … and some occupations select for it for example, clinical psychology.
At the beach, the gym, or socially, many people occasionally enjoy wearing tight, form-fitting, or revealing clothing to show off some aspect of their bodies. There’s a little bit of exhibitionist in most of us, too.
But how many people are really deeply into watching sex or exposing themselves in public? That’s been a mystery but a Swedish study has investigated the issue, providing what, as far as I know, is the only real data on the subject.
Men’s Secret Sex Problem
Most men and women have heard of two sex problems that hit men below the belt, premature ejaculation (coming too soon) and erectile dysfunction (ED). But men may also develop a problem few have ever heard of, difficulty experiencing ejaculation and orgasm (E/O). When men develop E/O difficulties, they often believe they’re all alone, that no one else could possibly face this situation. Actually, E/O problems are fairly common.
The Key to Great Sex: Do What Women Prefer
If men made love the way most women prefer, both sexes would feel more sexually fulfilled—and many relationships would improve out of bed as well as between the sheets.
If men made love the way most women prefer, women would receive the leisurely, playful, massage-inspired, whole-body sensuality every sex survey shows they value for erotic enjoyment.
Really? Men Fake Orgasms? Yes!
Over the past 40 years, many surveys have asked women if they’ve ever faked an orgasm, and consistently, half to two-thirds (53 percent to 65 percent) have said yes, at least once.
But men faking orgasm? That’s unheard of. Well, no, not exactly. Many sex therapists offer anecdotal reports, and a 1981 study of 280 college students (185 women and 95 men) showed the familiar rate among women (60 percent)—and faking by 36 percent of the men. But that was the only real study of male faking, until recently.
Advanced Sex for Great Lovers
Everyone knows what goes where. And everyone knows that it feels most satisfying when the people share an emotional attachment, ideally love. But plenty of people who love each other have sex that ranges from blah to lousy. Why?
Quite often because one or both lovers ignore a key ingredient of great sex—leisurely, playful, massage-style caresses of the whole body, from the scalp to the soles of the feet and everything in between.
Get in Shape for Great Sex
Would you like hot sex? Beyond a loving relationship, physical condition is key. Physiologically, enjoyable sex requires:
- A healthy nervous system to feel erotic pleasure.
- A healthy heart and blood vessels (cardiovascular system) so sufficient blood flows into the genitals for erection or vaginal lubrication.
- Deep relaxation so the nervous and cardiovascular systems function at their best.
Why Does My Man Watch Porn? Is He a Sex Addict?
Until 1980, people (i.e. men) interested in porn had to visit the few thousand adult theaters peppered around the nation’s cities, suburbs, and rural areas. People talked about “trench coats” and “dirty old men.” Then home video arrived, and soon every rental outlet had an adult section. Viewing soared. Some men’s spouses became alarmed and a new term entered the lexicon, “porn addiction.”
When SHE’s More Interested In Sex
When people fall in love, initially, they can’t keep their hands off each other. But six months to a year later, the hot-and-heavy period subsides and sexual frequency declines. This is no problem if both people experience the exact same decrease in libido. But typically, one person wants sex more often than the other, and desire differences become a sore point in many relationships. In fact, today, desire differences are a leading reasons why couples consult sex therapists.
Want Greater Sexual Satisfaction? Stop Snoring
“Laugh and the world laughs with you,” British novelist Anthony Burgess once quipped. “Snore and you sleep alone.” However, based on a recent study, Burgess’ remark might need updating: “Snore and your sex life suffers.”